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Falling Up

by Keith Porteous

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1.
Glass 04:39
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Wish I knew how to get you back I’m not okay and I never am Unless I'm with you and breathe your air There’s a heart on a wall beating slowly There’s some things you don’t know about me Some things I don’t know about myself You can’t trust what you see Because I’m made of glass If you thought I got off easy You must not know my side of the story It pains me to see you so happy It hurts me to see you at all Unless I’m with you and know your breath There’s a heart on a dartboard and you’re a great aim There’s some things you don’t know about me Some things I’m learning about myself You can’t trust what you don’t see And you don’t see me anymore If you thought I’m alright I’m not I’m so messed up. You can’t trust who you betray You can’t trust your betrayers I’m nothing but a piece of glass That you broke with a dart
2.
Soft 01:25
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I know I don’t got much chance now But I still want you From pictures I’ve seen It looks like you’re dating a girl now It brings me to tears So soft So soft
3.
Intrepid Heart 02:20
lyrics
Tentative eyes trying to Make up their minds Small fragile heartbeat Slowing down and speeding up Intrepid heart in love With the wrong mind A broken dagger is still Sharp enough to Kill a bird lost at sea Or cleave a fish in two After that will it be Too blunt to be fixed? Don't even think About it
4.
Mugs 04:46
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Tell me about how you’ve been The rain hits so hard, I never know Falling behind already in school Hot chocolate in a mug Could I fall asleep in your arms In your arms instead of here It feels like you want to break this heart You might be a little too late Won’t you go ahead and try anyway I don’t care, do what you will with me Tell me about what you did Without me there by your side Taking a leap of faith Cold coffee in a mug Could I fall asleep in your bed Your body is so warm
5.
The Nightmares 04:26
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I close my eyes and I see you The window is closed in this little room I miss you I miss the way you used to talk My pillow is soft But not as soft as you All over again I feel this pain Happening right now Please don’t be the zombie I see every time I shut my eyes I see you and I see all the little lights going out one by one I close my heart and you’re there sitting in the center of it I don’t think you know that you’re still there You’re still there. I dream of you, I dream of you happy or dying in my arms The bed I lay in is one I lay in without you Or you're dead and I couldn’t save you
6.
Cadman Plaza 04:26
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Life is too short to not take the risks But every time so far I wish I hadn’t I shoulda stayed put I shoulda waited Do I see a girl I really want? Do I act on this and risk losing all the hope I have? Should I go for this one? Should I go for this one? When I see her face I imagine us on a park bench 5 years from today Will I feel like I do now Like I do now? Life is precious and her’s I could learn to love That’s only if it all works out I really want it to I really want it too Will I be better if I’m with her She’s the first crush I’ve had in a long, long while That I’ve really felt Really felt When I see her face I imagine us on a park bench 5 years from today Will I feel like I do now? When she ignores class clowns I find it attractive somehow Her blue glasses and long brown hair I miss them when I’m at home When I’m at home When I’m at home When I’m at home When I see her face Imagine us on a park bench 5 years from today Will I feel like I do now Like I do now?
7.
Liebe 02:30
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Its like I can’t help myself When I’m here I can think and could talk When you’re right there I’m speechless I ain’t playing I really want you to be mine I’ll be yours if you ask What say you? I don’t know you But I want to know you I’m nervous when I talk, so here I’ll sing I’ve fallen for you without knowing a thing about you It’s like I’m in love In fact it’s exactly like that My love is yours if you want What say you? I don’t know you But I want to know you I’m nervous when I talk, so here I’ll sing I’ve fallen for you without knowing a thing bout’ you And all the things I’d do If you were in love with me
8.
Run Time 00:56
lyrics
All the things that we were They’ve turned into a blur I used to know you For a moment in your eyes We could’ve fallen asleep to a movie So much can happen during the run time of a film
9.
Cinema 2 03:09
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You feel sick but you know you’re not You don’t want to fall asleep knowing Knowing it’s been a year since you met the first girl that you loved Knowing she doesn’t worry, she doesn’t care It’s been a year since you met the first girl that you loved You die inside while your organs are in heaven You live in your nightmares in love with the way things were Knowing none of its true It’s all in the past She’s moved on from you Finding peace with an end that happened long ago Its over.
10.
Navana 04:40
lyrics
I want to adore you But you’re not Navana I painted a picture of me and you We were together before now that we’re apart I painted two pictures of us now apart I want to adore her But she’s not you Oh Navana Won’t you confess you never felt a thing for me You didn’t kiss me because you didn’t want to in the first place I was just something you didn’t want around Oh Navana I still love you Isn’t that messed up Navana I still love you How could I not? Navana I still love you I could never adore anyone else Because no one is like you No one else is like you I love you but I can’t say goodbye I still love you though you’re gone now Isn’t that messed up. Navana, I want to adore you But you’re gone now You’re gone now.
11.
Brown Paper 05:06
lyrics
The poster that was made for me; I love it very much. But now those memories in it break my heart and our future is gone I’ll wrap it in brown paper tight Save it for if we reunite My skin is drying I miss your warmth Feelings under attack It’s hard to choose what pictures to put in these frames Friends who are gone don’t deserve to live in them There are secrets wrapped in brown paper in a box under my bed I still have that brand new lego set we never built together I’ll wrap it in brown paper tight Save it for if we collide I pricked my finger just to feel Then I knew what to do I wrapped what’s left of you in me and sent it astray But I still keep the poster you made for me locked away
12.
(falling up) 02:27
lyrics
Who was I? I don’t really know Flew past my dreams, buried in the snow Falling up, I knew where I went Falling up like when I cried Its time to leave these memories behind A happier life is what I’ll find Falling up, I saw the end Falling up, I saw worlds collide I saw things you can’t imagine, now Falling up, I’m where I am

about

Falling Up is a collection of songs that tell 3 separate stories of regret, love and loss. All of these songs were written in the first half of 2018 except for the title track which the lyrics and melody were new right before it was recorded. When I look at these songs, I see a different version of myself, not one that I'm very fond of, but they still are part of me in some way, even as a distantly closed chapter of my life. I apologize to the people that these songs affect, a lost love, a best friend who I hurt and was hurt by, and also an unrequited love that probably doesn't remember me.

credits

released June 5, 2020

Artwork by Victoria Robertson-Nelson.

All music and lyrics by Keith Porteous except for the electric guitar on "The Nightmares" performed by Tristan Pratt.

"Cadman Plaza" & "Liebe" -Recorded May, 2019.
All other songs recorded from January-February, 2020. With the exception of the piano backing of the title track which was recorded early 2018 at the time of it being written.

Many thanks to those who have supported me while writing these songs & recording them, kind individuals who have opened doorways and opportunities, and those who have expressed their love for my music and have made it easier to keep communicating through song.

Thankyou: Nathan Altman, Talis Auseth, Grace Cameron, Aaron Conner, Renee Cosio, Morgan Costello, Kristina Cummins, Morgan Dean, Brenner Farr, Angus Fletcher, Peter Forster, Jade Frederickson-Gil, Sammy Garcia, Peter Goodlud, Mark Graham, Nazomi Groot, Rosy Higgins, Taylor Johnson, Alistair Keith, Martin Kusz, Scott LeDuc, William Livingston, Adrianna Lockhart, Shelley Martin, Greg McLarin, Ariella McNally, Autumn McPherson-Ward, Malachi Mead, David Middleto, Joseph Parks, Jeff Pianki, Tristan Pratt, Nick Roberts, Geoff Robertson, Victoria Robertson, Tyla Simmons, Luka Simpson, Ryan Thomas, Rahi, Scott Wotherspoon.

Lastly, my loving family.

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Keith Porteous Olympia, Washington

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